Stages of Social Development in Early Childhood: What the Research Says

Early childhood — from birth to approximately
age eight — is the most significant
period for social development. The
social foundations established in
these early years — attachment, empathy,
theory of mind, peer relationships,
and the beginning of moral reasoning —
shape all subsequent social development
and have lasting effects on mental
health, academic success, and life
outcomes. Understanding the specific
stages of social development in early
childhood — what is typical at each
stage, what supports development,
and what parents can specifically
do — is practically important for
every parent of a young child.

This article covers what the research
shows about the stages of social development
in early childhood — the key milestones,
the key processes, and what parents
can specifically do at each stage.

Stage 1 — Birth to Six Months:
The Social Foundation

Research on newborn social development —
including significant work by Andrew
Meltzoff at the University of Washington —
finds that babies are social beings
from birth — born with specific capacities
for social engagement that form the
foundation of all subsequent development.

Key social developments:

Face preference. Research finds
that newborns show a strong
preference for faces — particularly
the primary caregiver’s face —
from the first days of life.
This face preference is the
beginning of the social attention
that all social development requires.

Social smiling. Research finds
that the social smile — a genuine
smile in response to a social
partner — emerges at approximately
six weeks — marking the beginning
of genuine social reciprocity.

Protoconversation. Research
finds that by two to three
months — babies engage in
protoconversation — the turn-taking
vocal exchanges with caregivers
that are the precursor to language
and the foundation of social reciprocity.

Attachment formation begins.
Research by John Bowlby and
Mary Ainsworth finds that the
attachment relationship — the
deep emotional bond between
infant and primary caregiver —
begins forming from birth and
becomes increasingly organized
through the first year.

What parents can do:

Respond consistently and warmly
to the baby’s communications —
faces, sounds, movements.
Make frequent warm eye contact.
Engage in face-to-face interaction —
talking, singing, responding.
Hold, touch, and physically
comfort consistently.

Research finding: the quality
of caregiver responsiveness
in the first six months is
one of the strongest predictors
of secure attachment — and
all subsequent social development.

Stage 2 — Six to Twelve Months:
Social Awareness Expands

Research on infant social development
in the second half of the first year
finds several significant social milestones:

Stranger anxiety. Research
finds that stranger anxiety —
distress in the presence of
unfamiliar people — emerges
at approximately eight months —
reflecting the infant’s growing
awareness of the distinction
between familiar and unfamiliar
social partners.

Social referencing. Research
finds that from approximately
nine months — infants begin
social referencing — looking
to the caregiver for emotional
information about novel situations.
This is a genuinely significant
social-cognitive milestone —
the infant is using the caregiver
as a source of social information.

Joint attention. Research finds
that joint attention — the
shared focus of infant and
caregiver on the same object
or event — emerges at approximately
nine to twelve months — and
is one of the most important
social-cognitive developments
of infancy. Joint attention
is the foundation of shared
meaning — and a strong predictor
of language development.

What parents can do:

Follow the baby’s gaze and
attention — and share in what
they find interesting.
Name what the baby is looking
at — “Yes — that’s a dog!”
Respond warmly to stranger
anxiety — rather than forcing
social interaction.
Continue consistent warm responsive caregiving.

Stage 3 — One to Two Years:
The Toddler Social World

Research on toddler social development
finds several characteristic developments:

Parallel play. Research finds
that toddlers — while interested
in peers — primarily engage
in parallel play — playing
alongside rather than with
peers. This is developmentally
normal and important — the
toddler is learning through
observation of peers before
engaging in genuine cooperative play.

Emerging empathy. Research
finds that the first signs
of empathy — distress at others’
distress, attempts to comfort
upset others — emerge in toddlerhood.
Research by Carolyn Zahn-Waxler
finds that toddlers as young
as fourteen months show prosocial
responses to others’ distress.

Beginning understanding of
social rules. Research finds
that toddlers begin developing
an understanding of basic social
rules — sharing, taking turns,
not hurting others — though
consistent adherence to these
rules is still well beyond their developmental capacity.

Strong attachment — and separation anxiety.
Research finds that separation
anxiety — distress when separated
from the primary caregiver —
peaks during toddlerhood —
reflecting the intensity of
the attachment relationship
at this stage.

What parents can do:

Provide opportunities for peer
interaction — even parallel play.
Name and validate emotions —
yours and theirs.
Model empathy — responding
warmly to others’ distress.
Maintain consistent warm responsive caregiving through separation anxiety.
Begin introducing simple social
rules — with warmth and patience.

Stage 4 — Two to Three Years:
Cooperative Play Begins

Research on two to three year old
social development finds several
important developments:

Beginning cooperative play.
Research finds that cooperative
play — genuine play with another
child toward a shared goal —
begins emerging between two
and three years. This is a
significant social milestone —
requiring theory of mind, communication,
and self-regulation.

Pretend play with others.
Research finds that shared
pretend play — creating and
sustaining shared fantasy scenarios —
emerges at approximately two
to three years — and is one
of the most socially and cognitively demanding activities of early childhood.

Conflict — and beginning conflict resolution.
Research finds that as children
spend more time with peers —
conflict increases — and the
beginning of genuine conflict
resolution emerges. Research
finds that peer conflict —
when managed supportively —
is an important social learning context.

Growing understanding of emotions.
Research finds that between
two and three years — children
develop significantly greater
understanding of their own
and others’ emotions — laying
the foundation for the theory
of mind that develops between three and five.

What parents can do:

Facilitate genuine peer play —
including unstructured playdates.
Support conflict resolution —
acknowledge both children’s
feelings, help generate solutions,
but allow children to practice
resolving conflicts themselves where possible.
Continue emotion coaching —
naming and validating emotions.
Read books about emotions and social situations together.

Stage 5 — Three to Five Years:
Theory of Mind and Friendship

Research on preschool social development
identifies this as one of the most
significant periods for social-cognitive development:

Theory of mind. Research on
theory of mind — including the
classic false belief task developed
by Wimmer and Perner — finds
that the understanding that
others have thoughts, feelings,
and beliefs different from
one’s own develops between
approximately three and five years.
This is a genuinely significant
social-cognitive milestone —
and a foundation for empathy,
perspective-taking, and genuine friendship.

Genuine friendships. Research
finds that genuine friendships —
specific, preferred, reciprocal
peer relationships — emerge
in the preschool years. Research
by Willard Hartup finds that
having at least one genuine
friendship in childhood is
one of the strongest predictors
of positive social development.

Understanding of fairness.
Research finds that children
between three and five develop
a strong — often intense —
sense of fairness. The frequent
preschool cry of “that’s not
fair!” reflects genuine moral development.

Gender segregation in play.
Research finds that children
between three and five increasingly
prefer same-gender playmates —
a universal cross-cultural finding
that reflects both social learning and biological influences.

What parents can do:

Support genuine friendships —
facilitate playdates with preferred peers.
Read books that support theory
of mind — stories about characters
with different perspectives and feelings.
Use perspective-taking language —
“How do you think [friend]
felt when that happened?”
Continue emotion coaching.
Begin more explicit social
skills guidance — how to join
play, how to share, how to
handle conflict.

Stage 6 — Five to Eight Years:
Social Complexity Grows

Research on social development
in the early school years finds:

Peer relationships become more
complex and more important.
Research finds that peer relationships —
and peer evaluation — become
significantly more important
in the school years. Children
become increasingly aware of
their social standing — and
more sensitive to peer acceptance and rejection.

Friendship becomes more reciprocal
and more stable. Research finds
that friendships in the early
school years become more genuinely
reciprocal — and more stable
over time — than the more fluid
friendships of the preschool years.

Social comparison begins.
Research finds that between
five and eight — children begin
actively comparing themselves
to peers — in ability, appearance,
and social standing. This social
comparison is a normal developmental
process — but also a potential
source of self-esteem vulnerability.

More sophisticated moral reasoning.
Research on moral development
finds that children between
five and eight develop more
sophisticated moral reasoning —
moving beyond simple rule-following
toward genuine understanding
of the reasons behind social rules.

What parents can do:

Maintain warm open communication
about peer relationships and social experiences.
Support positive peer friendships —
facilitate playdates and social activities.
Address bullying and social
exclusion sensitively and specifically.
Continue emotion coaching.
Model and discuss moral reasoning —
“Why do you think we have
that rule?” “How would you
feel if that happened to you?”

Try This This Week

Practice 1 — The Stage-Appropriate Social Experience
What it is: A deliberate facilitation
of one social experience specifically
appropriate to your child’s
current developmental stage.

How to do it: Based on your
child’s current stage — facilitate
one specific appropriate social experience:

Toddler — an unstructured
playdate where parallel play is fine.
Preschooler — a playdate with
a preferred peer — allowing
cooperative play and genuine conflict.
School age — a social activity
with a genuine friend — facilitated but not directed.

Why it works: Research on
social development consistently
finds that stage-appropriate
social experience — matched
to the child’s developmental
level — produces the most significant
social development gains.

Practice 2 — The Theory of Mind Practice
What it is: A deliberate daily
practice of perspective-taking —
building the theory of mind
that is the foundation of social competence.

How to do it: This week use
perspective-taking language daily:

During book reading: “How
do you think [character] is feeling?”
During social situations:
“What do you think [friend]
was thinking when that happened?”
During conflict: “How do
you think [sibling] felt when
you did that?”

Why it works: Research on
theory of mind development
consistently finds that perspective-taking
practice — through books, conversation,
and guided reflection on social
situations — significantly accelerates
theory of mind development
and builds the empathy that social competence requires.

Practice 3 — The Friendship Support Practice
What it is: A deliberate weekly
support of your child’s most
important peer friendship —
recognizing the developmental
importance of genuine friendship.

How to do it: Once each week —
actively support your child’s
most important friendship:

Facilitate a playdate with their preferred friend.
Ask genuine curious questions
about the friendship — “What
do you and [friend] like to do together?”
Support through friendship difficulties —
without taking over.

Why it works: Research by
Hartup consistently finds that
having at least one genuine
reciprocal friendship in childhood
is one of the strongest predictors
of positive social development —
making friendship support one
of the most important parenting investments available.

The Bottom Line

The stages of social development
in early childhood — from the
newborn’s face preference to
the eight-year-old’s complex
peer relationships — represent
one of the most remarkable
developmental journeys in human
experience. Research is clear:
secure attachment is the foundation;
genuine peer social experience
is the primary context for
social skill development; emotion
coaching builds emotional intelligence;
theory of mind development
is a critical milestone; and
genuine friendship is one of
the strongest predictors of
positive social outcomes.

Sources

Bowlby, J. (1969).
Attachment and Loss: Vol. 1. Attachment.
Basic Books.

Hartup, W. W. (1996).
The company they keep: Friendships
and their developmental significance.
Child Development, 67(1), 1–13.

Wimmer, H., & Perner, J. (1983).
Beliefs about beliefs: Representation
and constraining function of
wrong beliefs in young children’s understanding.
Cognition, 13(1), 103–128.

Zahn-Waxler, C., Radke-Yarrow,
M., Wagner, E., & Chapman, M. (1992).
Development of concern for others.
Developmental Psychology,
28(1), 126–136.