The 12 Strategies of The Whole Brain Child: What the Research Says

The most practically important contribution
of Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson’s
The Whole Brain Child is its twelve
specific strategies for nurturing the
child’s developing brain — concrete,
immediately applicable approaches for
responding to children’s emotional
and behavioral challenges in ways
that work with the developing brain
rather than against it. Understanding
each strategy — what it involves,
what neuroscience supports it, and
how to apply it practically — is
one of the most useful things a parent
can do for their child’s brain development.

This article covers all twelve strategies
of The Whole Brain Child — what each
strategy involves, what research supports
it, and how parents can apply it.

The Framework — Integration as the Goal

Before covering the twelve strategies —
it is important to understand the
framework they serve. Siegel and Bryson
argue that the goal of whole brain
parenting is integration — the coordination
and linkage of different brain regions —
which produces:

Flexible — rather than rigid — responses.
Balanced — rather than chaotic — emotional states.
Empathic — rather than self-centered — relationships.
Energized — rather than flat — engagement with life.

Research on brain integration —
including Siegel’s own work on
interpersonal neurobiology — finds
genuine support for integration
as a marker of psychological health.

The twelve strategies are grouped
into four areas of integration —
each addressing a different aspect
of the developing brain.

Left Brain — Right Brain Integration

Strategy 1 — Connect and Redirect

What it is: When a child is
distressed or dysregulated —
connect emotionally first —
before redirecting behavior
or reasoning about consequences.

What it looks like in practice:
Move toward the child — not away.
Get to their physical level.
Make warm eye contact.
Acknowledge the feeling —
“I can see you’re really upset.”
Wait for connection — before
redirecting: “And when you’re
ready — let’s figure out what to do.”

Research support: Research
on co-regulation and emotional
development consistently finds
that empathic connection during
emotional distress supports
the co-regulation that helps
the child’s prefrontal cortex
come back online — making
redirection possible. Attempting
to redirect before connecting
frequently escalates rather
than resolves the situation.

Strategy 2 — Name It to Tame It

What it is: Help children use
language to describe and make
sense of their emotional experiences —
telling the story of what happened
and how they felt — to integrate
right brain emotional experience
with left brain language.

What it looks like in practice:
After connection is established —
help the child narrate: “Can
you tell me what happened?”
Reflect and name emotions specifically:
“So it sounds like you felt
really frustrated because…”
Validate the narrative: “That
makes complete sense — I understand
why you felt that way.”

Research support: Research
by Matthew Lieberman at UCLA
finds that labeling emotions —
putting feelings into words —
activates the prefrontal cortex
and moderates the amygdala
response — literally calming
the brain. This strategy has
some of the strongest neuroscientific
support of all twelve.

Upstairs — Downstairs Integration

Strategy 3 — Engage, Don’t Enrage

What it is: When you need the
child’s upstairs brain — their
thinking, reasoning, empathic
brain — engage it rather than
triggering their downstairs
brain with threats, anger, or shame.

What it looks like in practice:
Ask questions rather than making demands:
“What do you think would be
fair here?” rather than “Do
it now or else.”
Invite perspective-taking:
“How do you think [sibling]
felt when that happened?”
Offer choices within limits:
“You need to stop — do you
want to take a break in your
room or in the living room?”

Research support: Research
on threat responses and prefrontal
cortex function finds that
perceived threat — including
parental anger and shame —
activates the downstairs brain
and takes the upstairs brain
offline. Engagement — curiosity,
questions, choices — keeps
the upstairs brain online.

Strategy 4 — Use It or Lose It

What it is: Deliberately exercise
the child’s upstairs brain —
the prefrontal cortex — through
activities that require planning,
decision-making, empathy, and self-control.

What it looks like in practice:
Give age-appropriate decisions
and responsibilities.
Practice perspective-taking
in everyday situations.
Encourage self-reflection —
“What do you think about that?”
Allow the child to work through
problems — rather than solving
them for them.

Research support: Research
on brain development and experience —
including the use-it-or-lose-it
principle of neuroplasticity —
finds that brain regions that
are exercised develop more
fully than those that are not.
Deliberately exercising the
prefrontal cortex through age-appropriate
challenges supports its development.

Strategy 5 — Move It or Lose It

What it is: Use physical movement
to shift a child’s emotional
state — when the downstairs
brain has taken over and the
child cannot think or reason.

What it looks like in practice:
When a child is in a meltdown —
suggest or initiate movement:
“Let’s go for a walk” or “Let’s
do some jumping jacks.”
Use physical activity as a
transition between emotional
states — before reasoning begins.
Build regular physical activity
into the daily routine.

Research support: Research
on exercise and brain function
finds that physical movement
significantly affects mood,
arousal, and cognitive function —
through its effects on neurotransmitters
and stress hormones. Movement
can genuinely shift emotional
states in ways that verbal
intervention alone cannot.

Strategy 6 — Use the Remote of the Mind

What it is: Help children revisit
upsetting memories — pausing,
rewinding, and fast-forwarding —
to process difficult experiences
at a pace that feels manageable.

What it looks like in practice:
After a difficult experience —
help the child return to it
gradually: “Can we talk about
what happened at school today?”
Allow the child to pause when
it feels too intense: “We
can stop here if you need to.”
Help the child fast-forward
to resolution: “And what happened
in the end? How did it turn out?”

Research support: Research
on memory processing and trauma
finds that controlled revisiting
of difficult memories — at
a manageable pace — is more
effective for integration than
either avoiding the memory
or being overwhelmed by it.

Memory Integration

Strategy 7 — Tell the Story

What it is: Help children narrate
their experiences — particularly
difficult or confusing ones —
to make sense of what happened
and integrate the experience.

What it looks like in practice:
After a difficult experience —
find a calm moment and invite
the story: “Can you tell me
what happened?”
Listen without interrupting or correcting.
Help fill in missing pieces
gently: “And then what happened?”
Reflect back the narrative —
with emotional acknowledgment.

Research support: Research
on narrative and memory integration —
including work by Siegel and
by narrative therapy researchers —
finds that constructing a coherent
narrative of difficult experiences
is one of the most effective
tools for emotional integration
and healing. The ability to
tell a coherent life story
is one of the strongest predictors
of psychological health.

Strategy 8 — Remember to Remember

What it is: Deliberately create
positive shared memories —
and help children recall and
revisit positive experiences —
to build the implicit memory
of safety, connection, and joy
that shapes the child’s sense of self and relationship.

What it looks like in practice:
Deliberately create positive
shared experiences — family
rituals, special traditions,
one-on-one time.
Revisit positive memories
together: “Remember when we…?”
Take photos and create family
stories around positive experiences.
Before bed — recall positive
moments from the day together.

Research support: Research
on implicit memory and psychological
health finds that the accumulated
implicit memories of safety,
connection, and joy — built
through positive shared experiences —
significantly shape the child’s
sense of self and their expectation
of relationships.

Self-Understanding

Strategy 9 — Let the Clouds of Emotion Roll By

What it is: Help children develop
a witnessing perspective —
the understanding that they
are not their emotions — that
emotions are temporary states
that pass — rather than permanent
features of identity.

What it looks like in practice:
During emotional distress —
after co-regulation — reflect:
“You’re feeling really angry
right now — and anger is like
a cloud that passes. It won’t
feel this way forever.”
Help children notice emotional
states without being overwhelmed
by them: “I notice I’m feeling
nervous — that’s interesting.”
Model the witnessing perspective yourself.

Research support: Research
on mindfulness and emotion
regulation finds that the capacity
to observe emotions without
being overwhelmed by them —
the witnessing or mindful perspective —
significantly supports emotional
regulation and psychological health.

Strategy 10 — Exercise Mindsight

What it is: Help children develop
mindsight — the capacity to
understand their own mind and
others’ minds — building the
self-awareness and empathy
that healthy relationships require.

What it looks like in practice:
Ask genuine self-reflection questions:
“Why do you think you reacted
that way?”
Ask perspective-taking questions:
“What do you think [friend]
was thinking when that happened?”
Discuss the internal states
behind behavior — yours and theirs.

Research support: Research
on theory of mind and social
cognition finds that the capacity
to understand one’s own mind
and others’ minds is one of
the most important social-cognitive
capacities — and that deliberate
practice significantly develops it.

Relationship Integration

Strategy 11 — Increase the Family Fun Factor

What it is: Deliberately create
positive shared experiences
and connection — recognizing
that the relationship bank
account needs regular deposits
of joy and connection to sustain
the withdrawals of discipline and challenge.

What it looks like in practice:
Schedule regular one-on-one
time with each child.
Create family rituals and traditions.
Find and celebrate what is
genuinely funny and joyful together.
Say yes to connection and
play — as often as possible.

Research support: Research
on parent-child relationships
and parenting effectiveness
consistently finds that the
quality of the relationship —
particularly the accumulation
of positive shared experiences —
is the most important foundation
for effective discipline and
genuine cooperation.

Strategy 12 — Connect Through Conflict

What it is: Use conflict and
repair — the natural rupture
and repair cycle of close relationships —
as an opportunity to deepen
connection and build relationship resilience.

What it looks like in practice:
After conflict — when both
are calm — repair genuinely:
“I’m sorry I raised my voice —
that wasn’t okay. Can we talk
about what happened?”
Model repair — showing that
relationships can survive conflict
and come back stronger.
Help children repair their
own peer conflicts — rather
than avoiding conflict.

Research support: Research
on attachment and relationship
resilience finds that the repair
of relationship ruptures —
more than the absence of ruptures —
is the most important predictor
of secure attachment and relationship resilience.
Children who experience genuine
repair learn that relationships
can survive conflict — a genuinely
important life lesson.

Try This This Week

Practice 1 — The Connect and Redirect Practice
What it is: A deliberate daily
practice of Strategy 1 — the
most foundational of all twelve strategies.

How to do it: This week —
at every significant moment
of child distress or dysregulation —
practice connect and redirect:

Pause before responding.
Connect first — empathy, warmth, presence.
Wait for connection to be established.
Then — and only then — redirect.

Why it works: Research on
co-regulation consistently finds
that connect-first responses —
rather than immediate correction —
produce significantly better
emotional regulation and significantly
better cooperation than responses
that skip connection.

Practice 2 — The Name It to Tame It Practice
What it is: A deliberate daily
practice of Strategy 2 — the
most neuroscientifically supported of all twelve strategies.

How to do it: This week —
at every significant emotional
moment — help your child name
their emotion specifically:

Go beyond happy and sad.
Use frustrated, disappointed,
nervous, embarrassed, proud, overwhelmed.
Name your own emotions too —
modeling the practice.

Why it works: Research by
Lieberman consistently finds
that emotion labeling activates
the prefrontal cortex and moderates
the amygdala — literally calming
the brain. This is one of
the most immediately effective
emotional regulation tools available.

Practice 3 — The Repair Practice
What it is: A deliberate practice
of Strategy 12 — using conflict
and repair to deepen connection.

How to do it: This week —
after any significant conflict
or parenting moment you regret —
repair genuinely:

Find a calm moment.
Acknowledge what happened —
specifically and genuinely.
Apologize for your part —
without making excuses.
Reconnect — with warmth and physical affection.

Why it works: Research on
attachment and repair consistently
finds that genuine repair —
after rupture — is more important
for secure attachment than
the absence of rupture. Modeling
genuine repair teaches children
one of the most important relationship skills available.

The Bottom Line

The twelve strategies of The
Whole Brain Child provide one
of the most practically useful
frameworks in modern parenting —
grounded in neuroscience and
immediately applicable to everyday
parenting challenges. Connect
and redirect, name it to tame
it, engage don’t enrage, tell
the story, and connect through
conflict — these strategies
are supported by genuine neuroscience
research and produce genuinely
better outcomes than parenting
approaches that work against
the developing brain.

Sources

Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P.
(2011). The Whole Brain Child.
Delacorte Press.

Lieberman, M. D., et al. (2007).
Putting feelings into words.
Psychological Science, 18(5), 421–428.

Shonkoff, J. P., & Phillips, D. A. (2000).
From Neurons to Neighborhoods.
National Academy Press.

Siegel, D. J. (2012).
The Developing Mind.
Guilford Press.