My Child Throws Things When Angry: What the Research Says

A child who throws things when angry
is one of the most alarming behavioral
presentations parents encounter —
and one of the most common. Throwing
during anger is not random or purposeless —
it is the physical expression of
emotional arousal that has exceeded
the child’s regulatory capacity.
Understanding why children throw
things when angry — and what the
research shows about responding effectively —
is essential for parents navigating this behavior.

Why Children Throw Things When Angry

Research on aggressive behavior and
emotional dysregulation identifies
several specific reasons why throwing
is a common anger expression in children:

Physical discharge of emotional energy.
Research on emotional arousal
and physical expression finds
that intense emotional states —
including anger — produce genuine
physiological activation — increased
heart rate, muscle tension,
adrenaline release. Throwing
provides a physical discharge
of this physiological activation
that feels genuinely relieving
in the moment.

Limited verbal regulation capacity.
Research on language and emotional
regulation finds that children
who cannot yet reliably express
intense emotional states verbally —
or whose verbal capacity is
overwhelmed by the intensity
of the emotional arousal —
default to physical expression.
Throwing is physical language
for what words cannot yet hold.

Learned effectiveness. Research
on behavioral learning finds
that throwing is frequently
maintained because it works —
it produces immediate, intense
parental attention and response,
and it reliably discharges
the physical tension of anger.
Children learn quickly what works.

Impaired impulse control. Research
on executive function and anger
finds that intense anger significantly
impairs impulse control — the
child who would not throw things
when calm is genuinely less
able to inhibit the throwing
impulse during peak emotional arousal.

Modeling. Research on observational
learning finds that children
who have observed adults or
older children throwing things
during anger are significantly
more likely to use throwing
as an anger expression themselves.

What the Research Shows Helps

Ensure physical safety first —
every time. Research on behavioral
safety and anger management
finds that the first priority
during any throwing episode
is physical safety — of the
child, of others, and of the environment.
This may mean:

Moving other children out
of the space.
Moving dangerous objects out of reach.
Staying calm and at a safe distance.

Physical safety comes before
any behavioral intervention.

Stay calm — this is the most
important thing. Research on
parental emotional response
and child anger consistently
finds that parental calm during
throwing episodes is the most
powerful de-escalation tool available.
Parental alarm, anger, or intense
emotional response significantly
amplifies the child’s arousal
and the throwing behavior.

Brief, calm, immediate statement.
Research on behavioral responses
to throwing finds that a brief,
calm, immediate statement —
without lengthy lecture — is
most effective in the moment:

“Throwing is not safe. I’m
going to keep everyone safe.”

Then focus on de-escalation —
not on extended behavioral intervention during peak arousal.

Do not engage in lengthy discussion
during the throwing episode.
Research consistently finds
that children cannot process
complex verbal reasoning during
peak emotional arousal. Save
explanation, consequence discussion,
and problem-solving for after
full recovery.

Provide a safe physical outlet.
Research on physical expression
and anger management finds
that providing a safe physical
outlet — something the child
is allowed to throw, hit, or
physically engage with — reduces
throwing of unsafe objects
by redirecting the physical
discharge need:

A designated pillow to throw or hit.
Scrunching and throwing paper balls.
Physical movement — jumping,
running on the spot.

“You can throw this pillow
if you need to throw something.”

This is not rewarding the
throwing — it is redirecting
the physical expression to a safe alternative.

Consistent consequences after recovery.
Research on consequences and
throwing behavior finds that
consistent, calm consequences —
delivered after full recovery —
are important for communicating
that throwing is not acceptable:

The child participates in
cleaning up or repairing what
was thrown or broken.
A brief, calm discussion of
what happened and what to
do differently.
A natural consequence where possible.

The key: after full recovery,
calmly, consistently — every time.

Teaching alternative physical expressions.
Research on anger expression
and skill development finds
that explicitly teaching safe
physical alternatives to throwing —
practiced in calm moments —
provides the physical discharge
option the child needs without
the safety risks:

“When you feel like throwing —
you can squeeze this stress ball.”
“When you feel that angry —
you can do jumping jacks.”
“You can stomp your feet really hard.”
“You can punch this pillow.”

Building emotional vocabulary
and verbal expression. Research
on language and anger expression
finds that building the emotional
vocabulary and verbal skills
that allow children to express
anger in words — reducing the
need for physical expression —
is one of the most important
long-term interventions for throwing.

Daily practices:
Naming emotions throughout
the day.
Practicing anger expression
verbally: “Say: I am really angry.”
Validating verbal anger expression
consistently — so verbal expression
feels effective and heard.

Proactive trigger management.
Research on anger triggers and
proactive management finds that
identifying and addressing the
specific situations that most
reliably trigger throwing —
and modifying those situations
proactively — reduces throwing
frequency significantly more
than reactive management alone.

When to Be More Concerned

Research supports seeking professional
assessment when:

Throwing is frequent, intense,
and not responding to consistent
management over four to six weeks.

Throwing is causing significant
physical harm to others or
significant property destruction.

Throwing is accompanied by
other significant behavioral
concerns — aggression, defiance,
significant emotional dysregulation.

The child shows significant
distress about their own throwing behavior.

You suspect an underlying condition —
ADHD, autism, sensory processing
difficulties — that is contributing
to the throwing.

Try This This Week

Practice 1 — The Safe Outlet Setup
What it is: A deliberate creation
of a specific safe physical
outlet for anger — providing
the physical discharge option
that reduces unsafe throwing.

How to do it: This week set
up one specific safe physical outlet:

A designated pillow in a
specific location — “the anger pillow.”
A stress ball kept in a consistent,
accessible location.
A box of paper for scrunching and throwing.

Introduce it to your child
in a calm moment:
“When you feel like throwing
something — you can throw
this pillow. That’s what it’s for.”

Why it works: Research on
physical expression and anger
management finds that having
a designated safe outlet for
physical anger expression —
known in advance and available
when needed — significantly
reduces throwing of unsafe
objects by meeting the physical
discharge need safely.

Practice 2 — The Verbal Anger Practice
What it is: A brief daily practice
of verbal anger expression —
building the language that reduces
the need for physical expression.

How to do it: Once each day —
in a calm, playful moment —
practice verbal anger expression:

“Let’s practice saying we’re
angry. Say it loud: I AM ANGRY.”
“Say it with your whole body:
THAT IS NOT FAIR.”
“Stomp your feet and say:
I DON’T LIKE THIS.”

Make it playful and physical —
so the verbal expression also
provides some physical release.

Why it works: Research on
emotional vocabulary and physical
anger expression finds that
children who have practiced
powerful verbal anger expressions —
that feel satisfying and effective —
are significantly more likely
to use verbal rather than physical
expression during actual anger episodes.

Practice 3 — The Consistent Response Plan
What it is: A specific, pre-planned
response to throwing — decided
in advance — applied consistently
every time throwing occurs.

How to do it: This week decide
in advance exactly how you
will respond to throwing —
and apply the same response every time:

Ensure safety first.
Brief, calm statement: “Throwing
is not safe.”
Redirect to safe outlet if available.
Allow recovery time.
After recovery — brief calm
discussion and participation
in cleaning up.

The same response. Every time. Calmly.

Why it works: Research on
behavioral consistency and anger
management finds that consistent,
predictable parental responses —
applied every time — produce
significantly faster behavioral
change than inconsistent or
emotionally variable responses.
The Consistent Response Plan
removes the inconsistency that
maintains throwing behavior.

The Bottom Line

A child who throws things when
angry is not a bad child —
they are a child whose emotional
arousal has exceeded their
regulatory capacity, and who
has discovered that throwing
provides physical relief for
that arousal.

The research is clear about
what helps most: parental calm
during throwing episodes; brief,
immediate behavioral responses;
safe physical outlets that
meet the physical discharge
need; building verbal anger
expression as an alternative;
and consistent, calm consequences
after recovery that teach clearly
that throwing is not acceptable.

With consistent, calm, proactive
management — the child who
throws learns that they have
other ways to express intense
anger that are both safer and
more effective.

Sources

Tremblay, R. E. (2000).
The development of aggressive
behaviour during childhood.
European Journal of Work and
Organizational Psychology,
9(1), 129–132.

Gottman, J. M., & DeClaire, J.
(1997). Raising an Emotionally
Intelligent Child. Simon & Schuster.

Barkley, R. A. (2013).
Defiant Children: A Clinician’s
Manual for Assessment and
Parent Training. Guilford Press.

Gross, J. J. (2015).
Emotion regulation: Current
status and future prospects.
Psychological Inquiry,
26(1), 1–26.