Author: Chien Liu

Teaching emotional regulation to athree-year-old requires understandingone fundamental fact: three-year-oldscannot self-regulate. The brain structuresthat support emotional regulation —particularly the prefrontal cortex —are in the very earliest stages ofdevelopment at three. What three-year-oldscan do is begin to experience co-regulation —the process through which a calm,regulated adult helps a dysregulatedchild return to calm — and throughrepeated co-regulation…

Emotional regulation — the capacityto manage emotional responses in waysthat are appropriate to the situation —is one of the most important developmentalachievements of childhood. When emotionalregulation is significantly impaired,the effects ripple across every domainof a child’s life — academic functioning,peer relationships, family life, andwellbeing. Recognizing the signs of poor emotionalregulation accurately — and distinguishingthem from…

Embarrassment is one of the mostintensely uncomfortable emotions ofchildhood — and one of the leastdiscussed. Research consistently findsthat embarrassment is a genuinelypainful social emotion that significantlyaffects children’s willingness totry new things, speak up, and engagewith others. Understanding what embarrassmentactually is, why some children experienceit more intensely, and what the researchshows about helping effectively ispractically useful…

Fear of failure in gifted childrenis one of the most counterintuitiveand most commonly overlooked challengesin gifted education and parenting.The child who is identified as gifted —who has experienced consistent academicsuccess, who has been praised fortheir intelligence — is frequentlythe child most paralyzed by the prospectof failure. Research consistentlyfinds that giftedness and fear offailure frequently co-occur…

Insecurity in children — the persistentsense of being less worthy, less capable,or less lovable than others — is oneof the most painful childhood experiencesand one of the most important forparents to recognize and respond toeffectively. Research consistentlyfinds that childhood insecurity, whenunaddressed, significantly affectssocial relationships, academic functioning,and long-term wellbeing. This article covers what the researchshows about…

A child who becomes intensely upsetwhen making mistakes is showing oneof the most common and most misunderstoodpatterns in childhood emotional development.Parents frequently either dismissthe distress — “it’s just a smallmistake, don’t be so dramatic” —or become worried that somethingis seriously wrong. Research suggestsa more nuanced understanding — anda specific, evidence-based approachthat genuinely helps. This article…

Perfectionism in children is frequentlymistaken for a virtue — the conscientiouschild who wants to do things right,who has high standards, who caresabout quality. And sometimes it isa strength. But research consistentlyfinds that perfectionism in childrenmore often reflects anxiety aboutfailure than genuine standards ofexcellence — and that it is associatedwith significant distress, avoidance,and fragile self-esteem rather…

Self-regulation — the capacity tomanage one’s own emotions, impulses,and behavior in ways that are appropriateto the situation — is one of themost important skills children candevelop. Research consistently findsthat self-regulation predicts academicachievement, social competence, mentalhealth, and long-term life outcomesmore strongly than many other factorsincluding intelligence. This article covers what the researchshows about self-regulation techniquesfor children…

Dysregulation — the state in whicha child’s emotional and behavioralresponses have exceeded their regulatorycapacity — is one of the most challengingsituations parents encounter. A dysregulatedchild is not choosing to be difficult.They are showing a nervous systemthat has been overwhelmed — and thatneeds specific, evidence-based supportto return to a regulated state. This article covers what dysregulationactually…

Anger management in children is oneof the most searched and most misunderstoodparenting topics. The approaches mostcommonly suggested — counting to ten,taking deep breaths, going to yourroom — are not wrong, but they representonly a small part of what the researchshows about effective anger managementin children. And some of the mostcommon approaches — punishment, shaming,forced apology…