How to Talk to School About Bullying: What the Research Says

Talking to school about bullying is
one of the most important and most
commonly mishandled steps in addressing
bullying effectively. Parents frequently
either delay too long — hoping the
situation will resolve itself — or
approach school in ways that produce
defensiveness rather than genuine action.
Research on school intervention and
bullying outcomes provides specific
guidance about what works.

This article covers what the research
shows about talking to school about
bullying — how to prepare, how to
approach the conversation, and what
to do if the school does not respond effectively.

Before You Talk to School

Document specifically. Research
on school intervention and bullying
outcomes consistently finds that
specific, documented reports produce
significantly more effective school
action than general complaints.
Before approaching school, document:

Specific incidents — what happened,
when, where, who was involved.
Any witnesses.
Any physical evidence — screenshots
of cyberbullying, photos of injuries.
The impact on your child —
changes in behavior, mood,
school attendance, sleep.

Talk to your child about what
they want. Research on child
agency and bullying recovery
finds that involving the child
in the decision about approaching
school — and respecting their
concerns about it — significantly
affects both the quality of
the school intervention and
the child’s recovery.

Ask your child:
“Would it help if I talked
to the school about this?”
“What are you worried might
happen if I do?”
“What would you like me to
ask the school to do?”

Know your school’s anti-bullying
policy. Research on school policy
and bullying outcomes finds
that parents who know the school’s
anti-bullying policy — and can
reference it — produce more
effective responses than those
who approach without this knowledge.
Most schools publish their
anti-bullying policy on their website.

How to Approach the Initial
Conversation

Start with the class teacher
or school counselor. Research
on school communication and
bullying outcomes finds that
starting with the most directly
involved adult — the class
teacher or school counselor —
rather than going immediately
to the principal, produces more
effective responses in most cases.

Request a specific meeting —
in writing. Research on school
communication and accountability
finds that written requests —
email rather than verbal —
produce more reliable responses
and create a record of communication.

Approach collaboratively —
not adversarially. Research
on parent-school communication
and bullying outcomes finds
that parents who approach school
as collaborative partners —
“I want to work with you to
resolve this” — produce significantly
better responses than those
who approach adversarially.

Opening the conversation:
“I’d like to share some concerns
about what [child] has been
experiencing at school — and
I’d like to work with you
to find a solution.”

Present specific information.
Research on school response
and report specificity finds
that specific, documented reports —
naming incidents, dates, and
individuals — produce more
effective school action than
general complaints about being bullied.

Ask specific questions. Research
on school accountability and
bullying outcomes finds that
parents who ask specific questions —
rather than only presenting
the problem — produce more
specific, accountable responses:

“What is the school’s anti-bullying
policy and how will it apply here?”
“What specific steps will
the school take?”
“What is the timeline for action?”
“How will you communicate
back to me about progress?”

What to Do if the School
Does Not Respond Effectively

Research on school response
and escalation finds that when
classroom-level intervention
is not effective — a clear
escalation pathway produces better outcomes:

Step 1 — Follow up with
the class teacher. Research
on school accountability finds
that following up — in writing —
within one to two weeks of
the initial conversation significantly
increases school responsiveness.

“I wanted to follow up on
our conversation about [situation].
What steps have been taken?”

Step 2 — Escalate to the
school principal. Research finds
that escalating to the principal —
in writing, with a summary
of previous communications —
produces significantly better
responses than repeated conversations
with the same adult.

Step 3 — Contact the school
district. Research on bullying
and school accountability finds
that when school-level intervention
fails — contact with the school
district or local education
authority produces more effective responses.

Step 4 — Seek legal advice
where necessary. Research on
severe bullying and legal recourse
finds that in cases of severe
bullying — particularly physical
harm, discrimination-based bullying,
or bullying that constitutes
harassment — legal advice and
formal complaint processes may be warranted.

Protecting Your Child During
the School Process

Research on bullying and school
intervention finds that the
period during school investigation
can be difficult for bullied
children — and that parental
support during this period
is essential:

Continue daily emotional support.
Monitor for worsening of symptoms.
Keep communication open about
how things are going at school.
Celebrate small improvements genuinely.

Try This This Week

Practice 1 — The Documentation Practice
What it is: A deliberate documentation
of specific bullying incidents —
building the specific record
that effective school reporting requires.

How to do it: This week create
a simple written record:

Date and time of each incident.
What happened specifically.
Who was involved.
Any witnesses.
The impact on your child.

Keep it factual and specific.

Why it works: Research on
school intervention and bullying
outcomes consistently finds
that specific, documented reports —
rather than general complaints —
produce significantly more effective
and more accountable school responses.

Practice 2 — The Written Request
What it is: A brief, professional
written request for a meeting —
creating a record and producing
a more reliable school response.

How to do it: This week send
a brief email to the class
teacher or school counselor:

“Dear [name], I would like
to request a meeting to discuss
some concerns about [child’s]
experience at school. I have
some specific information I
would like to share and I
hope we can work together
to find a solution. Please
let me know your availability.
Thank you.”

Keep it collaborative and professional.

Why it works: Research on
school communication and accountability
consistently finds that written
requests — rather than verbal —
produce more reliable responses,
create a record, and communicate
that the parent is serious
and organized without being adversarial.

Practice 3 — The Child Consultation
What it is: A genuine consultation
with your child about what
they would like to happen —
building the child agency that
research finds important for recovery.

How to do it: Before approaching
school — have a genuine conversation:

“I want to talk to school
about what has been happening.
What are your thoughts about that?”
“What are you worried might happen?”
“What would you most like
the school to do?”

Listen genuinely and incorporate
their perspective into your approach.

Why it works: Research on
child agency and bullying recovery
finds that children who feel
genuinely involved in the decisions
about how their bullying is
addressed — rather than having
adult action imposed on them —
show significantly better recovery
outcomes and significantly more
trust in the process.

The Bottom Line

Talking to school about bullying
effectively requires preparation,
a collaborative rather than
adversarial approach, specific
documentation, and clear follow-up.
The research is clear: specific
reports produce better responses
than general complaints; written
communication produces more
accountability than verbal;
collaboration produces better
outcomes than confrontation;
and clear escalation when school
response is inadequate produces
more effective resolution than repeated ineffective conversations.

Your child deserves effective
action — and effective action
requires effective communication.

Sources

Olweus, D. (1993).
Bullying at School. Blackwell.

Smith, P. K. (2014).
Understanding School Bullying.
SAGE Publications.

Espelage, D. L., & Swearer, S. M.
(2003). Research on school bullying
and victimization.
School Psychology Review,
32(3), 365–383.

Rigby, K. (2010).
Bullying Interventions in Schools.
ACER Press.