How to Help a Child Grieve the Loss of a Parent: What the Research Says

The death of a parent is the most
devastating loss a child can experience —
and one that research finds has significant
and lasting effects on development,
mental health, and wellbeing. At the
same time, research consistently finds
that children can and do move through
even this most profound loss — given
the right support. How surviving parents,
family members, and professionals respond
in the weeks, months, and years after
a parent’s death significantly shapes
the child’s grief trajectory.

This article covers what the research
shows about helping children grieve
the loss of a parent — what children
need most, what helps, and what the
surviving parent can specifically do.

What Research Shows About
Parental Loss in Childhood

Research on childhood bereavement
and parental death — including significant
longitudinal work by William Worden
and Phyllis Silverman in the Harvard
Child Bereavement Study — finds:

Parental loss is the most
significant loss a child can experience.
Research finds that the death
of a parent fundamentally changes
a child’s world — their primary
attachment figure, their sense
of safety, and their understanding
of the world as a predictable and safe place.

Children can and do recover.
Research finds that the majority
of bereaved children — given
adequate support — do not develop
lasting psychological difficulties.
The quality of the surviving
parent’s functioning is the
single most important predictor
of how well the child copes.

The effects can be long-lasting.
Research finds that parental
loss in childhood is associated
with elevated risk of depression,
anxiety, and complicated grief —
particularly when support is
inadequate. Early effective
support significantly reduces these risks.

Children grieve differently
at different developmental stages —
and revisit grief as they develop.
Research finds that children
frequently revisit the loss
of a parent at key developmental
milestones — first day of school,
graduations, weddings — experiencing
renewed grief as they more
fully understand what they have lost.

What Children Need Most After
Losing a Parent

Research on parental bereavement
and child outcomes identifies
several critical needs:

A stable, available surviving parent
or caregiver — above everything else.
Research by Worden and Silverman
finds that the quality and
availability of the surviving
parent is the single strongest
predictor of child grief outcomes.
Children whose surviving parent
remains emotionally available —
even while grieving themselves —
show significantly better outcomes
than those whose surviving parent
is incapacitated by their own grief.

This is not about the surviving
parent suppressing their own
grief — it is about remaining
functionally present for the child
even while grieving.

Honest age-appropriate information
about what happened. Research
consistently finds that children
who are told the truth about
a parent’s death — clearly
and age-appropriately — show
better grief outcomes than
those who are protected from
information or told confusing partial truths.

What to say:
For young children: “[Parent’s
name] died. That means their
body stopped working completely
and they can’t come back.
It is not your fault. We
will always love them and
they will always be part of our family.”
For school-age children:
More detail about what happened —
appropriate to the circumstances —
with time for questions.
For adolescents: Full honest
information with genuine space for questions.

Consistent routines and structure.
Research on parental loss and
child outcomes finds that maintaining
consistent daily routines —
mealtimes, bedtimes, school
attendance — significantly supports
grieving children by providing
structure and predictability
in a world that feels fundamentally unsafe.

Permission to feel everything.
Research on emotional expression
and parental bereavement finds
that children need explicit
permission to feel the full
range of grief emotions — including
emotions that may feel shameful
or confusing:

Anger at the parent who died —
for leaving.
Relief — particularly if
the parent’s death followed
a long illness.
Guilt — about feeling relieved,
about arguments before the death.
Fear — about their own death,
about who will care for them.
Happiness — children continue
to have happy moments even
in grief — and need to know this is okay.

Maintained connection to the
deceased parent. Research on
continuing bonds and parental
bereavement finds that actively
maintaining the connection to
the deceased parent — through
memories, photos, stories,
meaningful rituals — is one
of the most important ongoing
supports for bereaved children.

How the Surviving Parent Can Help

Research on surviving parent
functioning and child grief outcomes
identifies several specific approaches:

Take care of your own grief —
without hiding it completely.
Research finds that surviving
parents who seek their own
grief support — and who model
healthy grief while remaining
functionally available — produce
better child outcomes than
those who either hide all grief
or are incapacitated by it.

Talk about the deceased parent
regularly and warmly. Research
on continuing bonds finds that
surviving parents who speak
regularly and warmly about
the deceased parent — keeping
them present in family life —
significantly support their
children’s grief.

“Your dad would have loved
to see you do that.”
“That’s something Mum used
to say too.”
“Let me tell you something
about your dad that you might not know.”

Answer questions honestly
and repeatedly. Research finds
that children ask the same
questions about a deceased
parent repeatedly — and that
patient honest answers — every
time — are important.

Watch for signs of complicated grief.
Research on childhood complicated
grief identifies warning signs
that warrant professional support:
Persistent inability to accept
the death.
Significant functional impairment
lasting more than six months.
Thoughts of self-harm or
wanting to die to be with
the deceased parent.
Complete withdrawal from
friends and activities.
Significant regression in
younger children that does not improve.

Seek professional support
for both yourself and your child.
Research on childhood parental
bereavement and professional
support consistently finds
that specialized grief support —
for both surviving parent and
child — produces significantly
better outcomes than navigating
this loss without support.

Talking to Children About
the Deceased Parent Over Time

Research on parental bereavement
and long-term outcomes finds
that maintaining the deceased
parent’s presence in family
life — over years, not only
in the immediate aftermath —
is one of the most important
long-term supports.

Practical long-term approaches:
Telling stories about the
deceased parent regularly.
Sharing photos — making albums
or displays accessible.
Acknowledging the parent’s
birthday and the anniversary of their death.
Connecting the child’s qualities
and interests to the deceased parent.
Including the parent in significant moments —
“I know Dad would have been
so proud of you today.”

Try This This Week

Practice 1 — The Parent Story Practice
What it is: A deliberate daily
practice of sharing stories
and memories of the deceased
parent — maintaining the connection
that research finds most important.

How to do it: Once each day —
find a genuine moment to share
something about the deceased parent:

A specific memory.
Something about who they were.
A quality they had.
Something they would have said or done.

Invite the child to share
their own memories too.

Why it works: Research on
continuing bonds and parental
bereavement consistently finds
that surviving parents who
actively keep the deceased
parent present — through regular
stories and memories — produce
significantly better child grief
outcomes than those who avoid
mentioning the deceased parent.

Practice 2 — The Emotion Permission Practice
What it is: A deliberate daily
explicit permission for all
grief emotions — including the
most difficult ones.

How to do it: This week when
your child shows any grief-related
emotion — validate it specifically:

Anger: “It makes complete
sense to feel angry that Dad
died. It’s not fair.”
Guilt: “Nothing you did caused
this. Nothing.”
Relief: “It’s okay to feel
relieved that Mum is not suffering anymore.
That doesn’t mean you don’t
miss her.”
Happiness: “It’s completely
okay to feel happy sometimes —
even now. Mum would want you to.”

Why it works: Research on
emotional expression and parental
bereavement consistently finds
that children who feel genuinely
permitted to express all grief
emotions — without shame —
show significantly healthier
grief trajectories.

Practice 3 — The Professional Support Step
What it is: A concrete commitment
to seeking specialized grief
support — for your child and
for yourself.

How to do it: This week take
one concrete step toward professional support:

Talk to your pediatrician
about grief support resources.
Contact a childhood bereavement
organization — The Dougy Center
in the US provides specialized
childhood grief support.
Ask your child’s school about
counseling support.
Seek your own grief counseling —
your wellbeing directly affects your child’s.

Why it matters: Research on
childhood parental bereavement
and professional support consistently
finds that specialized grief
support — for both child and
surviving parent — produces
significantly better long-term
outcomes than navigating this
most profound loss without support.

The Bottom Line

The death of a parent is the
most significant loss a child
can experience — and one that
deserves the most genuine and
sustained support available.
Research is clear: the surviving
parent’s availability is the
single most important factor;
honest age-appropriate communication
is essential; maintaining the
deceased parent’s presence in
family life significantly supports
healthy grief; consistent routines
provide essential structure;
and specialized professional
support — for both child and
surviving parent — produces
significantly better outcomes.

If you are a surviving parent
reading this — please know
that seeking support for yourself
is one of the most important
things you can do for your child.
Your wellbeing is not separate
from your child’s grief outcomes —
it is central to them.

Resources:
The Dougy Center — dougy.org —
specialized childhood grief support.
988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline —
call or text 988 — if your
child is expressing thoughts
of self-harm.

Sources

Worden, J. W., & Silverman, P. R.
(1996). Parental death and
the adjustment of school-age children.
Omega: Journal of Death and Dying,
33(2), 91–102.

Christ, G. H. (2000).
Healing Children’s Grief.
Oxford University Press.

Silverman, P. R. (2000).
Never Too Young to Know.
Oxford University Press.

Schonfeld, D. J., & Quackenbush, M.
(2010). The Grieving Student.
Paul H. Brookes.