Signs Your Child Is Being Bullied: What Parents Need to Know

Bullying is one of the most common
and most damaging experiences of childhood —
and one of the experiences children
are least likely to disclose to parents.
Research consistently finds that the
majority of bullied children do not
tell a parent or trusted adult —
because they fear it will make things
worse, because they feel ashamed,
or because they do not believe adults
can help.

This means that parents who wait
for their child to disclose bullying
will frequently wait too long. Knowing
the signs — and taking them seriously —
is essential.

What Bullying Actually Is

Research on bullying — including work
by Dan Olweus at the University of
Bergen, whose foundational research
established the modern understanding
of bullying — defines bullying as
repeated aggressive behavior that
involves a power imbalance between
the person bullying and the person
being bullied.

Three key features distinguish bullying
from ordinary conflict:

Repetition — it happens more
than once, not as a single incident.

Power imbalance — the person
bullying has more social, physical,
or psychological power than
the person being bullied.

Intent to harm — the behavior
is deliberate rather than accidental.

Research identifies several forms:

Physical bullying — hitting,
pushing, damaging belongings.
Verbal bullying — name-calling,
threats, humiliation.
Relational bullying — exclusion,
rumor-spreading, friendship manipulation.
Cyberbullying — harassment
through digital platforms.

The Signs a Child Is Being Bullied

Behavioral changes. Research
on bullying and child behavior
finds that behavioral changes —
particularly sudden ones — are
among the most important signals:

Reluctance or refusal to go
to school. Research finds this
one of the most consistent
signs — particularly when it
is new and unexplained.

Changes in route to school —
taking longer routes, avoiding
certain areas — may signal
avoidance of the bully’s territory.

Withdrawal from activities
previously enjoyed — particularly
social activities.

Significant changes in mood —
becoming withdrawn, irritable,
sad, or anxious — particularly
after school or weekends when
social contact with peers is anticipated.

Emotional signs. Research identifies
several emotional presentations:

Unexplained distress — crying,
emotional upset — without clear explanation.

Appearing sad, anxious, or
withdrawn after time on devices —
which may signal cyberbullying.

Nightmares, sleep difficulties —
research finds elevated rates
of sleep disturbance in bullied children.

Loss of confidence and self-esteem —
which research finds bullying
significantly damages over time.

Expressions of feeling worthless,
hopeless, or not wanting to
go on — which warrant immediate
attention and professional support.

Physical signs. Research on
bullying and physical presentation identifies:

Unexplained injuries — bruises,
scratches — that the child
cannot or will not explain.

Complaints of physical symptoms —
stomachaches, headaches —
particularly before school.
Research finds somatic complaints
significantly elevated in bullied children.

Coming home hungry — which
may indicate that lunch money
or food is being taken.

Damaged or missing belongings —
clothes, books, electronic devices.

Social signs. Research on bullying
and social functioning finds:

Fewer friends — or suddenly
having no friends — particularly
when friends were previously present.

Not being invited to social
events that peers attend.

Avoiding social situations
that previously felt comfortable.

Difficulty talking about school
social life — becoming evasive
or distressed when peers are mentioned.

Academic signs. Research on
bullying and academic functioning finds:

Declining academic performance —
research finds bullying significantly
impairs concentration and learning.

Loss of interest in school —
previously engaged students
becoming disengaged.

Difficulty concentrating on
homework.

Technology-related signs. Research
on cyberbullying and behavioral
signs identifies:

Appearing upset or distressed
after using a phone or computer.

Becoming secretive about online
activity.

Avoiding or obsessively checking
devices.

Unexplained accounts being
closed or new accounts being created.

Why Children Do Not Disclose Bullying

Research on bullying disclosure
finds several consistent reasons
why children do not tell:

Fear it will get worse. Research
finds this the most common
reason — children fear that
adult intervention will escalate
the bullying.

Shame. Research on bullying
and self-concept finds that
bullied children frequently
feel ashamed — as if being
bullied reflects something wrong
with them.

Not believing adults can help.
Research finds that children
who have seen unsuccessful
adult interventions are significantly
less likely to disclose.

Fear of not being believed.
Research finds children sometimes
fear parents will dismiss or
minimize their experience.

Protecting parents from worry.
Research finds some children —
particularly older ones — do
not disclose to protect their parents.

How to Open the Conversation

Research on parental communication
and bullying disclosure finds
that specific approaches significantly
increase disclosure:

Regular, genuine check-ins
about social life — not interrogation
but genuine curiosity:
“How are things going with
friends at school?”
“Is there anyone who has
been giving you a hard time?”

Responding to disclosure with
calm validation — not immediate
alarm or problem-solving:
“I’m really glad you told me.”
“That sounds really hard.”
“You are not alone in this.”

Explicitly communicating that
the child will not be in trouble
and that you will work together
to find a solution.

Explicitly communicating that
bullying is never the victim’s fault.

When to Act Immediately

Research on bullying severity
and intervention timing finds
that immediate action is warranted when:

The child expresses thoughts
of self-harm or not wanting to go on.
Physical harm is occurring.
The bullying involves threats
or weapons.
The child is significantly
distressed and functioning is impaired.

Try This This Week

Practice 1 — The Regular Check-In
What it is: A brief, consistent
weekly check-in about social
life — building the open communication
that bullying disclosure requires.

How to do it: Once each week —
in a low-pressure, connected moment —
ask one genuine question:

“How are things going with
people at school — is anyone
being unkind or difficult?”
“Is there anyone who makes
you feel uncomfortable or bad about yourself?”

Listen genuinely — without
immediately problem-solving.

Why it works: Research on
bullying disclosure and parental
communication consistently finds
that children who have regular,
genuine conversations about
social life with their parents —
and who experience those conversations
as safe and non-judgmental —
are significantly more likely
to disclose bullying when it occurs.

Practice 2 — The Observation Practice
What it is: A deliberate weekly
observation of your child’s
behavioral and emotional state —
noticing the signs described
in this article.

How to do it: Once each week —
honestly assess:

Has my child’s mood changed recently?
Are they reluctant to go to school?
Have their friendships changed?
Are they distressed after using devices?
Have I noticed any physical signs?

Take changes seriously —
and follow up with gentle,
genuine curiosity.

Why it works: Research on
bullying identification and
early intervention consistently
finds that earlier identification —
before bullying becomes entrenched —
produces significantly better
outcomes. The Observation Practice
builds the systematic attention
that early identification requires.

Practice 3 — The Open Door Message
What it is: A deliberate, explicit
communication that your child
can always come to you about
bullying — without consequences
and without judgment.

How to do it: This week find
a calm, connected moment and
say explicitly:

“I want you to know — if
anyone is ever unkind to you,
or makes you feel bad, or
bullies you in any way —
you can always tell me.
You will not be in trouble.
We will figure it out together.”

Mean it. Follow through with
calm, supportive response if they disclose.

Why it works: Research on
bullying disclosure consistently
finds that children are significantly
more likely to disclose bullying
to parents who have explicitly
communicated openness and non-judgment —
and who have demonstrated through
previous responses that disclosure
is safe.

The Bottom Line

Bullying is common, damaging,
and frequently hidden. The
signs are recognizable — behavioral
changes, emotional changes,
physical signs, academic decline —
and taking them seriously is
the most important parental
contribution to early identification.

The research is clear: children
are unlikely to disclose bullying
without specific encouragement.
Regular check-ins, warm open-door
messages, and calm responses
to disclosure significantly
increase the likelihood that
bullied children will tell —
and get the support they need.

If you suspect your child
is being bullied — ask gently,
listen carefully, and respond
with calm support rather than
immediate alarm. The conversation
you have today may be the one
that makes the difference.

Sources

Olweus, D. (1993).
Bullying at School. Blackwell.

Espelage, D. L., & Swearer, S. M.
(2003). Research on school bullying
and victimization.
School Psychology Review,
32(3), 365–383.

Wolke, D., & Lereya, S. T.
(2015). Long-term effects of
bullying.
Archives of Disease in Childhood,
100(9), 879–885.

Kowalski, R. M., Limber, S. P.,
& Agatston, P. W. (2012).
Cyberbullying: Bullying in the
Digital Age. Wiley-Blackwell.