How to Handle a Child Who Hits: What the Research Says

A child who hits is one of the most distressing
parenting experiences — particularly when the
hitting is directed at a parent, a sibling,
or a peer. The instinct to respond with
immediate, firm consequences is understandable.
The research on hitting in children suggests
that the most effective responses are more
nuanced than simple punishment — and that
understanding what is driving the hitting
is as important as addressing the behavior itself.

This article covers what the research shows
about hitting in children, why children hit,
what makes it worse, and what actually helps.

Hitting Is Developmentally Common —
and Developmentally Variable

The first important thing to understand
about hitting in children is that it is
extremely common in early childhood —
and that its significance varies
considerably depending on the age
of the child, the frequency and
context of the hitting, and whether
it is increasing or decreasing over time.

Research by Richard Tremblay at the
University of Montreal on the development
of physical aggression finds that physical
aggression peaks between ages two and
four in most children — not because
toddlers are more aggressive by nature,
but because physical aggression is
the earliest available tool for
expressing frustration, establishing
social dominance, and obtaining
desired outcomes, and because
the language and self-regulation
capacities that replace physical
aggression are still developing.

Tremblay’s longitudinal research finds
that most children show a peak of
physical aggression in the toddler
years followed by a gradual decline
as language, social understanding,
and self-regulation develop. Children
whose physical aggression does not
decline on this typical trajectory —
who continue to hit frequently beyond
age five or six — are showing a
pattern that warrants more focused attention.

Why Children Hit

Research on childhood aggression
identifies several distinct functions
that hitting serves — and understanding
the function matters for choosing
the most effective response:

Frustration and emotional dysregulation.
The most common driver of hitting
in young children is emotional
overwhelm — the child has reached
the limit of their regulatory
capacity and physical aggression
is what comes out. Research on
emotional regulation and aggression
finds that young children who hit
most frequently are often those
with the most limited regulatory
capacity — not the worst intentions.

Communication of an unmet need.
Research on hitting in pre-verbal
and early verbal children finds
that hitting often communicates
what language cannot yet express —
“I want that,” “I don’t want this,”
“I need your attention,” “I am
overwhelmed.” As language develops
and parents help children name
their needs, hitting typically
decreases.

Seeking attention. Research on
attention and child behavior
consistently finds that parental
attention — even negative attention —
is powerfully reinforcing. A child
who discovers that hitting produces
immediate, intense parental attention
has learned a highly effective
attention-seeking strategy,
even if the attention is negative.

Learned behavior. Research on
observational learning and aggression —
including foundational work by
Albert Bandura — finds that
children who witness physical
aggression — in the home,
in media, in peer settings —
are more likely to use it themselves.
Children who are physically
punished show higher rates
of physical aggression toward
peers — likely because physical
force has been modeled as
an appropriate response
to frustration or non-compliance.

Proactive aggression. A smaller
proportion of children use
hitting proactively — deliberately,
as a tool for obtaining something
they want or establishing social
dominance — rather than reactively.
Research by Kenneth Dodge on
subtypes of aggression finds
that proactive aggression is
less common than reactive
aggression in young children
but is associated with different
developmental trajectories
and warrants different responses.

What Makes Hitting Worse

Responding with physical punishment.
Research on the relationship between
physical punishment and child
aggression is one of the most
consistent in developmental
psychology: physical punishment
for hitting — hitting a child
who hits — increases rather
than decreases aggressive behavior.
It models precisely the behavior
it is trying to extinguish,
and it teaches the child that
physical force is an appropriate
response when one is frustrated
or wishes to control another person’s behavior.

Highly emotionally charged responses.
Research on parental emotional
reactivity and child behavior
finds that intensely emotional
parental responses to hitting —
shouting, visible distress,
dramatic reactions — can
inadvertently reinforce the
behavior in children who are
hitting for attention or
for the power of the reaction.

Inconsistent responses. Research
on behavior and consequences
finds that inconsistent responses
to hitting — sometimes addressed
firmly, sometimes ignored,
sometimes met with laughter —
produce the most persistent
behavior. Consistency is
the single most important
feature of effective response
to any unwanted behavior.

Addressing the behavior
without addressing the cause.
A child who hits because
they are emotionally overwhelmed
needs both a clear consequence
for the hitting AND support
for the underlying dysregulation.
Addressing only the behavior
without the cause produces
repeated behavior — because
the underlying driver remains.

What Actually Helps

Immediate, calm, consistent
response to the hitting itself.
Research on behavior and
consequences supports a clear,
immediate, calm response
every time hitting occurs:

Stop the behavior physically
if necessary — gently but firmly.
Name what happened clearly:
“You hit. Hitting hurts people
and is not okay.”
Apply a consistent,
age-appropriate consequence —
for toddlers, a brief time-away;
for older children, removal
from the situation.
Keep the emotional temperature low —
calm firmness is more effective
than emotional intensity.

The response should be
consistent every time —
so the child learns clearly
that hitting always produces
the same outcome.

Address the underlying cause.
After the immediate response —
when the child is calm —
investigate and address
what drove the hitting:

For frustrated toddlers:
build language for needs
and feelings. “You wanted
the toy. Next time, say
‘I want a turn.’”

For dysregulated children:
build co-regulation capacity
and teach simple calming strategies.

For attention-seeking children:
increase positive attention
proactively — catch them
being gentle, being kind,
managing frustration well.

For children hitting siblings:
investigate the sibling dynamic
and address the underlying
relationship issue.

Teach what to do instead.
Research on replacement behavior —
teaching children an alternative
behavior that serves the same
function as the unwanted behavior —
is one of the most effective
behavioral intervention approaches
available. A child who hits
when frustrated needs to
learn what to do with
frustration instead of hitting:
use words, walk away,
ask for help, take a breath.

The replacement behavior
needs to be explicitly taught,
practiced in calm moments,
and reinforced when used.

Reinforce gentle behavior
consistently. Research on
positive reinforcement and
aggression finds that
deliberately noticing and
naming gentle, kind,
and appropriate behavior —
“I noticed you used your
words when you were frustrated
just now — that was really
mature” — is one of the
most effective tools for
reducing hitting over time.

What gets attention grows.
If hitting gets more parental
attention than gentleness,
hitting will continue.
Reversing this ratio —
paying consistent, specific
attention to desired behavior —
changes the behavioral calculus.

Examine the environment
and triggers. Research on
situational antecedents
of child aggression finds
that hitting is often
predictable — it tends
to occur in specific
situations, with specific
triggers, at specific times
of day. Identifying the
pattern allows parents
to address it proactively —
by modifying the environment,
by providing extra support
during high-risk situations,
or by building skills
specifically for the
contexts where hitting
is most likely.

When to Seek Additional Support

Most hitting in early childhood
responds to the consistent
approaches described above.
A few patterns warrant
professional consultation:

Hitting that is significantly
more frequent or more intense
than peers of the same age.

Hitting that is not declining
after age five or six despite
consistent, appropriate responses.

Hitting that causes genuine
injury or that targets
specific individuals consistently.

Hitting in combination with
other significant behavioral
concerns.

A significant increase in
hitting that has no obvious
situational explanation —
as sudden behavioral change
in children is often a
signal of underlying stress,
trauma, or difficulty.

Your pediatrician is always
the right first conversation —
both to rule out any
physiological contributors
and to obtain referrals
to appropriate support.

The Bottom Line

A child who hits is not
a bad child. They are
a child whose regulatory
capacity is overwhelmed,
whose communication tools
are insufficient, or whose
environment is reinforcing
the behavior in ways
that are not immediately obvious.

The most effective response
combines three things:
a clear, consistent,
calm consequence for
the hitting itself;
genuine investigation
of and response to
what is driving it;
and deliberate, consistent
reinforcement of the
gentle, appropriate behavior
that you want to grow.

That combination —
not punishment alone,
not understanding alone,
but both together,
consistently — is what
the research supports.

Sources

Tremblay, R. E. (2000).
The development of aggressive
behaviour during childhood.
European Journal of Criminal
Policy and Research, 8(2), 129–137.

Dodge, K. A., Coie, J. D., &
Lynam, D. (2006). Aggression
and antisocial behavior in youth.
In N. Eisenberg (Ed.),
Handbook of Child Psychology. Wiley.

Gershoff, E. T. (2002).
Corporal punishment by parents
and associated child behaviors
and experiences. Psychological
Bulletin, 128(4), 539–579.

Bandura, A., Ross, D., & Ross, S. A.
(1961). Transmission of aggression
through imitation of aggressive models.
Journal of Abnormal and Social
Psychology, 63(3), 575–582.